About Me June 26, 2008

I have a secret… luckily for you I’ve never been very good at keeping those things. Not the good ones anyway, so here is mine: I’m in love.

Now, you know there has to be a story behind a statement like that & here it is:

Most of my childhood was spent in churches: Catholic, Baptist, Spirit-filled. I had known about Jesus (like most red-blooded Americans) – and ran on the treadmill of religious excersie for years.

I knew Jesus could save me from my sins, that He was the truth, the light, and the way… problem was I figured I could have a savior while refusing Him the possition of Lord – you know, Boss, Man in Charge, King & Ruler.

I am an American after all, completely enamored with the idea of the “have it your way” lifestyle.

In short, I behaved as though Jesus had no greater siginifance than a warm, comfy bath towel. He was handy to have around when I was ready to  wash away the dirt I’d rolled in, and was always available for my next washing – because like a pig wallowing in the mud,  I too would eventually return to my own filth & degradation. 

I was the Captain of my own ship (or so I thought). I lived as I wanted to live; chasing after alternate spiritual beliefs, chemically induced thrills, romantic relationships, and the good opinions of people around me – all the while attending church most every Sunday & feeling quite secure in my spiritual complacency.

Through a bizarre streak of events I came out of my spiritual stupor & was awakened to a love unlike any I had known existed. I used Him and still He loved me. I did things He finds repulsive – I was unfaithful to Him – and yet He continues to look upon me with adoring eyes, full of acceptance. It mystifies me – even today 11 years later.

That is the love of Jesus. He has captured my heart. Now I attempt to filter everything I do through the lense of loving Him in return. I don’t always get it right – more often than not I act out of selfishness, self preservation and all those other “self” motivators. I’ve learned what it is to be in process. Gold is gold – even before it is refined. So I am a child of God – even as I go through refining.

I’ve come to believe that genuine “salvation” isn’t an “I’ve said the “sinners prayer”" experience. Instead it is a daily process of becoming more like the One who loved us first, died so we could be together & asks us to follow Him on an adventure like none other.

Jesus has not changed. He still saves, heals, delivers, restores & does the miraculous – far exceeding all I could dare to think, ask or imagine (and I’m fairly creative…) – if we will only let down our religious facades & meet with Him face to face.

So I’ll ask – Do you know Him?